TO MY PSYCHOLOGY PROFESSORS :

NOW, HAVING BEEN HELD IN HOSTAGE-BARRICADE CRISES, I THINK THE PERCEPTION I HAVE, IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL, ABOUT DEATH.

SOMETIMES, IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE STILL TRAPPED IN THE HOSTAGE-BARRICADE CRISES, IF YOU HAVE NOT PROCESSED ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, AND ARTICULATED YOUR SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS, DURING THOSE TIMES. 

IT'S DUE TO THE SHAME, SELF-BLAMING COGNITIVE PATTERNS, OF BATTERED VICTIMS.

IT WILL BE TRIGGERED, THAT SHAME, AND SELF-BLAME THOUGHT PATTERNS, IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO INTERRUPT YOUR MINDSETS, AND CONSIDER THOSE LIFE-THREATENING TIMES, IN A MORE HEALTHY LIGHT/WAY.

ON THE ONE HAND, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT IT HAS HAPPENED, TO THE VICTIMS, BEING HELD HOSTAGE-BARRICADE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE IS THE COMMON CHALLENGE THAT ANY VICTIMS FACE, WHERE THEY BLAME THEMSELVES, FOR SURVIVING, A SURVIVOR'S' GUILT, CENTERED IN THEIR DYSFUNCTIONAL THOUGHT PATTERNS, OF SELF-BLAME, THAT CAN MAKE THEM FEEL WORSE ABOUT OTHER CRISES, MONUMENTAL CHANGES, IN THEIR LIVES.

IT WOULD COLOR THEIR PERCEPTION OF THE PANDEMIC TOO, WHICH INVOLVES FACING THEIR FEELINGS ON DEATH, AND FEARS ABOUT DYING. 

THOSE THINGS ARE OUT OF THEIR LOCUS/POSITION OF CONTROL, SO, THEY MAY START TO SPIRAL INTO DEPRESSION, FROM UNRESOLVED FEELINGS OF HELPLESSNESS, FROM THE TIMES OF BEING HELD HOSTAGE-BARRICADE, BY PSYCHOPATHS, AND SOCIOPATHS. 

THEY HAVE TO ALL BE PLACED INTO PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITALS, BEFORE THEY BECOME COMPLETELY MUTE, WITH SELECTIVE MUTISM, ABOUT THEIR TRAUMAS, OF BEING HELD HOSTAGE-BARRICADE, FOR SUCH A PROLONGED TIME, ESPECIALLY DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, AS TODDLERS TOO.

FOR A LONG TIME, GROWING UP, AFTER BEING A POW, DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, I HAD A FEAR OF HELICOPTERS.

WHENEVER THE POLICE HELICOPTERS WERE SEARCHING FOR FUGITIVES, TERRORISTS, IN DC METRO, WITH SEARCHLIGHTS, WHICH WAS EVERY OTHER NIGHT, GROWING UP, IN DC METRO, I BECAME MUTE, UNABLE TO SPEAK, FOR A WHILE.

MY THERAPIST, A SOCIAL WORKER TOLD ME THAT IT INVOLVES POST-GENERATIONAL PTSD, FROM MY PARENTS' VIETNAM WAR POW TIME.

HOWEVER, IN MY EARLY FORTIES, DUE TO HORMONAL CHANGES, I STARTED REMEMBERING THE VIETNAM WAR POW TIMES TOO.

I WAS THERE, BUT, ONLY AS A BABY, AND TODDLER, AS A VIETNAM WAR POW TOO.

THE AMOUNT OF UNPROCESSED GRIEF, TRAUMAS CAME TO THE SURFACE, LIKE THAT SCENE, IN "FRIED GREEN TOMATOES" FILM, WHEN THEY DRAGGED OUT AN OLD VEHICLE, IN THE RIVER. 

IT WAS BURIED, REPRESSED, OLD MEMORIES.

THEN, I HAD TO GO THERAPY, ALMOST DAILY, AND ATTEND DAILY SUPPORT GROUPS, TO COPE WITH THE NEWLY-SURFACED FEELINGS.